This funny thing landed in my email


Staff member
Σκαλίζοντας παλιά κιτάπια, έπεσα πάνω στον πολιτικά ορθό τρόπο να ευχηθεί κανείς Καλά Χριστούγεννα κι Ευτυχισμένος ο Νέος Έτος ;), άκαιρο μεν, αλλά κι αχρείαστο να 'ναι:

I wanted to send some sort of holiday greeting to you all, but it is so difficult in today's world to know exactly what to say without offending someone. So I met with my solicitor and our compliance consultants and on their advice I wish to say the following:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced with the most enjoyable traditions of religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.

I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2007, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make our country great (not to imply that USA is necessarily greater than any other country) and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms:

This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one
year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.

Disclaimer: No trees were harmed in the sending of this message; however, a significant number of electrons were slightly inconvenienced.


Staff member
A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

"House", for instance, is feminine: "la casa".
"Pencil", however, is masculine: "el lapiz".

A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?"

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computer"), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

(No chuckling... this gets better!)

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ("el computer"), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.


Staff member
Παλιό, αλλά καλό (και το έταξα σε κάποιους)...



Staff member
Με αφορμή εκείνη τη συζήτηση:

We all know those cute little computer symbols called "emoticons," where: :) means a smile and :( is a frown. Sometimes these are represented by:-) and :-( respectively.
Well, how about some "assicons"? Here goes:
(_!_) a regular ass
(__!__) a fat ass
(!) a tight ass
(_*_) a sore ass
{_!_} a swishy ass
(_o_) an ass that's been around
(_x_) kiss my ass
(_X_) leave my ass alone
(_zzz_) a tired ass
(_E=mc2_) a smart ass
(_$_) Money coming out of his ass
(_?_) Dumb Ass
Πολύ ωραίο Αλεξάνδρα! Αστείο επίσης (αλλά για άλλους λόγους) είναι και το μήνυμα που πήρε η tsaousa από τη Δίωξη Ηλεκτρονικού Εγκλήματος (πέμπτο σχόλιο σ' αυτή την ανάρτηση).

Επίσης, έχω ρίξει πολύ γέλιο με το Καθαρολόγον Έπος του Κορνήλιου και τις απαντήσεις των υπόλοιπων στο ιστολόγιο του sarant, κάτω από το Κάλπες και Ψήφοι...


Staff member
Man Rules

Αφού έχει απαγορευτεί διά νόμου η φυλολογία στη Λεξιλογία, ευκαιρία να κάνουμε ρεζιστάνς:

These are our rules!
Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports: It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1... Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or motor sports.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this.


Staff member
Παλιό αλλά καλό! :D
Μου είχε έρθει σε pps του και το χρησιμοποίησα (και μεταφρασμένο) σε μάθημα περί παρουσιάσεων, σε τάξη ενηλίκων (παντρεμένα τα περισσότερα άτομα) με χιούμορ και ανοιχτά μυαλά, βέβαια. Περιττό να πω ότι, εκτός από το γέλιο που έπεσε, έγιναν ξεφτέρια στο Powerpoint!


Staff member
Κι εμένα μόλις μου ήρθε ένα από άκυρα ψηφοδέλτια που έπεσαν στη Θεσσαλονίκη, αλλά, επειδή είμαστε σοβαρό φόρουμ, δεν το ανεβάζω στις σελίδες μας. Είναι σηκωμένο εδώ.


Staff member
Κι ύστερα λέει ο sarant ότι στην ελληνική δύσκολο να ευδοκιμήσουν τα backronyms! :p :D


Mod Almighty
Staff member
Αφού αυτός ο λίγο παραπάνω φυλολογεί σε άλλα νήματα, να κι εγώ:
Rules for Guys

1. When crying occurs you caused it and should fix it. Perfect time for a gift.
2. Watching Star Trek or any type of non-romance movie/ T.V. show should also be rewarded in a gift.
3. The toilet seat prefers to be down. Gravity; any questions?
4. When we ask if we are fat, we are looking for a "NO I love you just the way you are" answer.
5. Cindy Crawford cuts her hair; why can't we?
6. We are not always thinking of you.
7. We are not always looking for the perfect gift... some gift is better than no gift, and we realize it is the thought that counts.
8. Our Cats truly are special friends.
9. Shopping is not a sport, it's an adventure.
10. We value your opinion on our outfits and perhaps you should ask for direction when you are dressing.
11. Wearing the same clothes because they are on top of the pile is not acceptable.
12. If we had enough clothes or shoes then why are there so many stores?
13. When we ask for something we want it then!! Don't wait for a birthday, etc. you may forget what it is that we want.
14. If you cant be expected to hit the toilet, we can't be expected to find the oil.
15. When the lights come on in the car, we let you know when we get around to it.
16. Three pairs of shoes in not a selection, its a crisis!
17. Boots, old tennis shoes, and grass shoes are not adequate shoe choices.
18. We don't believe you when you say you'll be right home.
19. Yes and No are not answers, you are not on trial and we are not your attorney.
20. We remember what you say regardless of how long its been. Why can't you?
21. Saying what you think we want to hear gets you in more trouble! Stop while you are ahead.
22. There are no good sports.
23. Why can't you ask for directions?
24. Why can't you follow directions?
25. How can we be expected to tell you about our day in just 30 seconds when it took all day to happen?
26. You too can order Pizza.
27. Chinese Food is a meal.
28. Chips and Dip are NOT a meal.
29. Why don't you know all of these rules?


Staff member
Ευχαριστώ, Παλάβρα! Πήρε και αυτό τη θέση του στη συλλογή ως αντιστάθμισμα του άλλου...:)


Staff member
Φρέσκο, πρωινό, σαν τα κουλούρια. :)

An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.
He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, & some apple & peach trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, & look it over. He grabbed a 5-gal bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting & laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence & they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!'
The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.'
Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator.'

Some old men can still think fast.